sigh

i did so badly in my exams
uh oh ....

i came home from work last night.

was feeling very sorry for myself after a fucked up day.

jumped into bed with a huge huge bowl of icecream at nearly 12.

had around 3 spoonfuls then got a text from my friend saying we are going to this party. pick you up in 2 minutes.

got ready soo fast. my friend waas like sorry about the late notice but new you wouldn't turn down a party :)

went out had a really good night. just got home now nearly 4;30 pm and found the bowl of ice cream. oh how glad i am that i didn't eat it.

take it one day at a time my loves.

x

2 weeks

2 weeks untill i go away.

2 weeks to SOMEHOW make my body look alright.

after 2 days fasting

running + over an hour walking everyday

trying to eat healthly

restricting

one binge and purge session

and i have only lost one kg. fuck.

my body doesn't even look any different. (apart from slightly flatter stomach).

but my thighs and hips are still fat fat fat.

i cant go away looking like this.

fuck.

just finshed my exam.
no more for another 2 months or something.

today
2 egg whites
half a banana
a green apple
2 crackers

and i want to fucking binge.
or fast.
but i cant do either.

i cant fast until sunday so its eating healthy till then.
egg whites for breakfast
fruit/veges for lunch or snacks
one coffee and one grapefruit juice per day + green tea.
chewing gum + one small lollypop per day.

and dinner. with the family. as little as possible as it is usually high cal. vomit. chew and spit. any sneaky tacket appropriate. i have many.

so tonight its pasta and i am really worried that it will trigger a binge.
chug lots of ice water. dont give in.

i wont ruin how well i have been going.

x

so today has been pretty good. food wise and everything else wise.
but didn't get much study done
uh oh

kiwifruit
coffee
medium salad (it was amazing even though it was just veges and lemon juice)
and grapefruit juice

i did nearly an hour and a half of walking
and im going to go for a run when it cools down (around 40mins)

unfortuatly im eating dinner with the family.
homemade burgers.
with bread buns. the thought makes me want to vomit right now.
so il chew and spit as much as possible without causing concern.

if i dont eat much of the burger (fingers crossed) i can have a pice of fruit for dessert :)

tomorrow
my last exam.
French.
fuck.

oh well
stay strong girls
x

:)

today was good.

no food, only coffee, lots and lots of iced water and my new found love grapefruit juice.

it is quite a high cal drink 120cal for a small bottle (i try not to drink drinks over 100cal)

but i have been reading that grapefruit can ancrease fat burning and has all these benifits

i knew they were good for you but now im addicted haha

so until a few days ago i wasn't doing so well in eating aspect :(

but now i am empty, motavated and thinking clearly.

good and bad news.

in like 3 weeks i am going away with friends to a beach. it is going to be amazing. around 25 boys and girls. no parents.lots of alcohol. :) almost a dream come true.

minus the fact that im going to have to wear a bikini and that i will have to eat "normally" and no purging. fuck that seems impossible.

but im trying not to freak out about it and use it as motivation. i have just under 3 weeks. i no i can't lose too much in this amount of time but im going to try my best. NO screw ups. i want be skinny but i will have lost and toned up and i will have the best time ever!

be strong lovely girls!
x

pills?

i brought these pills today as they were one of the two that i found.

fat burner.
powerful combination of ingredients that assist the body's natural fat metabolism.
this increases the rate at which you body uses calaries to produce energy.
take 1 30 minutes before meals or before exercise to assist energy levels.

im going to have one before dinner.

hopefully they will work and make me feel less guilty about those dinners which i HAVE to have with the family. argh.

i am addicted to vitamins but dunno if these will work
what do you think?
x