Wednesday, June 10, 2009

growing up and trying my best to move on ...

im not going to go to my dads party this weekend. i turned 17 a little while ago and i realised that lived through 17 horrible years of my life controlled by him and that i can no longer go on like this. i keep thinking that something will change and he wont want to be in my life ... but realistically it could be years till i can get away from him (if i keep living my life like this) and it has already been 17 years and nothing has change really. its scary realising that my life has/is been controled and that maybe if my dad wasnt around i would be happy?

so one night when i couldnt sleep i decided that im going to have to change it myself. i think that not going to his party is a good first step. reading this you probably think that not going to his party is not a big deal but it will be for him. dont think that i am not afraid to stand up to him because i am and i do it all the time but its just that he always ends up minipulating me into what he wants. but not this time. my friends are planning on distracting me. we are going out friday night and i will stay at one of their houses and then probably going shopping and going out again saturday night.

my dad will go PYSCHO. i don't know what he will do though and that kind of scares me.

im planning on as much alcohol or drugs i want ( not food though, the alcohol has enough calories even though i will probably vomit it all up), i think i deserve it.


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