Monday, September 28, 2009

ahh fasting. and sick.
my throat is so sore i cant even drink water.
so i am feeling very faint.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

had a good weekend.
drunk way too much. danced crazily. hung out with my best friends. made new friends. didn't eat much. and i am on holidays.

but its strange because i basically live to party. you would have thought that this weekend would be a dream come true.

but somethings not right. i feel numb. i feel jealous. i feel bored. i feel lonely. but really, i don't know what i feel.

i want/need something but i don't know what.

ahh this probably isnt making much sense. sorry

oh well. i am fasting today, tomorrow and the day after. then wednesday 200 cals. then thursday only fruit and veges. then friday fast. the saturday im going away! mmm should be fun ... just hope i get out of this weird, fucked up, depresed mind set.

goodluck girls!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

im thinking of fasting sunday, monday, tuesday. then either thursday or friday.

i think 3 days is realistic ... i dont want to push it.

but the fast will hopefully help me lose abit before i leave.

yay being fat on the beach i cant wait! ahh

hope you guys are doing better than me.
love, as always

Sunday, September 20, 2009


i did so badly in my exams
uh oh ....

Friday, September 18, 2009

i came home from work last night.

was feeling very sorry for myself after a fucked up day.

jumped into bed with a huge huge bowl of icecream at nearly 12.

had around 3 spoonfuls then got a text from my friend saying we are going to this party. pick you up in 2 minutes.

got ready soo fast. my friend waas like sorry about the late notice but new you wouldn't turn down a party :)

went out had a really good night. just got home now nearly 4;30 pm and found the bowl of ice cream. oh how glad i am that i didn't eat it.

take it one day at a time my loves.


Thursday, September 17, 2009

2 weeks

2 weeks untill i go away.

2 weeks to SOMEHOW make my body look alright.

after 2 days fasting

running + over an hour walking everyday

trying to eat healthly


one binge and purge session

and i have only lost one kg. fuck.

my body doesn't even look any different. (apart from slightly flatter stomach).

but my thighs and hips are still fat fat fat.

i cant go away looking like this.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

just finshed my exam.
no more for another 2 months or something.

2 egg whites
half a banana
a green apple
2 crackers

and i want to fucking binge.
or fast.
but i cant do either.

i cant fast until sunday so its eating healthy till then.
egg whites for breakfast
fruit/veges for lunch or snacks
one coffee and one grapefruit juice per day + green tea.
chewing gum + one small lollypop per day.

and dinner. with the family. as little as possible as it is usually high cal. vomit. chew and spit. any sneaky tacket appropriate. i have many.

so tonight its pasta and i am really worried that it will trigger a binge.
chug lots of ice water. dont give in.

i wont ruin how well i have been going.


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

so today has been pretty good. food wise and everything else wise.
but didn't get much study done
uh oh

medium salad (it was amazing even though it was just veges and lemon juice)
and grapefruit juice

i did nearly an hour and a half of walking
and im going to go for a run when it cools down (around 40mins)

unfortuatly im eating dinner with the family.
homemade burgers.
with bread buns. the thought makes me want to vomit right now.
so il chew and spit as much as possible without causing concern.

if i dont eat much of the burger (fingers crossed) i can have a pice of fruit for dessert :)

my last exam.

oh well
stay strong girls


today was good.

no food, only coffee, lots and lots of iced water and my new found love grapefruit juice.

it is quite a high cal drink 120cal for a small bottle (i try not to drink drinks over 100cal)

but i have been reading that grapefruit can ancrease fat burning and has all these benifits

i knew they were good for you but now im addicted haha

so until a few days ago i wasn't doing so well in eating aspect :(

but now i am empty, motavated and thinking clearly.

good and bad news.

in like 3 weeks i am going away with friends to a beach. it is going to be amazing. around 25 boys and girls. no parents.lots of alcohol. :) almost a dream come true.

minus the fact that im going to have to wear a bikini and that i will have to eat "normally" and no purging. fuck that seems impossible.

but im trying not to freak out about it and use it as motivation. i have just under 3 weeks. i no i can't lose too much in this amount of time but im going to try my best. NO screw ups. i want be skinny but i will have lost and toned up and i will have the best time ever!

be strong lovely girls!

Thursday, September 10, 2009


i brought these pills today as they were one of the two that i found.

fat burner.
powerful combination of ingredients that assist the body's natural fat metabolism.
this increases the rate at which you body uses calaries to produce energy.
take 1 30 minutes before meals or before exercise to assist energy levels.

im going to have one before dinner.

hopefully they will work and make me feel less guilty about those dinners which i HAVE to have with the family. argh.

i am addicted to vitamins but dunno if these will work
what do you think?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

today has been good.

im fasting so maybe thats why it has been good.
i studyed all day.
going to study more.
avoid dinner somehow.

i have an exam tomorrow.
i dont know if i should continue my fast or eat a lil through out the day?
maybe egg whites before my exam?
i think i will just see how i feel.
if im feeling weak and unable to concentrate then i will eat but stay under 200cal.

the next few days will be easy.
either fasting or under 200cal.
ill be at the library or in an exam most of the time.

but after exams are finished it will be hard because i will be going out or partying with friends all the time. alcohol cals argh!

oh well i will just make the most of these couple of days.


Tuesday, September 1, 2009


fast today.

i have been doing good. only 1 coffee.

i have been distracted by too much school work! grr

i have had a killer headache all day though
so not sure if i will fast tomorrow or not!?
if i dont i will have 200 cal

i am feeling so happy tho. even though everything is going wrong i am empty.
i know that the weight is coming off. sure slowly. but good things take time.
i love it how all my friends are stressed about exams but im just so buzzed out. so empty. so vague. haha

im not worried about school. its not that important to me. there are things that i understand that 'smart' people dont. and they don't understand that. how ironic.

don't get me wrong. i try. just not as hard as most people. im writing a silly french essay at the moment. and and after im going to study for maths. ew.

might have a green tea :)

stay strong loves!
remember good things take time.
its not easy but wont it be worth it!
i believe you can do it