...

things have been better since my last post (not that they could get worse!)

i have been eating around 300 calories a day.

but its my friends birthday dinner on friday. we are going to a japanese resturant. i cant get out of it.

so im going to fast tomorrow and friday until dinner.

and eat as little as possible (without being noticed) at dinner, but will treat myself a little.

oh and i have been going for the most amazing runs lately. i feel my fat on my thighs move as i run and think if i keep running it will all come off.

i used to be able to run 30mins max.now im running for over and hour.

i had a break today though because i had heaps of school stuff.

i want to try yoga. i do pilates but something about yoga seems so relaxing! dunno

i wish i was a good dancer ...

x

..

Fuck.

i has been liquid fasting for 6 days until my mum made me eat dinner. watched me eat dinner.

i wanted to cry.

and to make things even worse i binged after dinner.

fuck.

dinner was bad enough!

Fuck

confusing!

I i've been single since i broke up with that guy but last night at this party i was spending heaps of time with my friend (lets call him N).

we have been friends for ages and we always flirt but the thing is that hes been out with 2 of my good friends so he is completely out of bounds.

but we were dancing lot and spent over an hour lying on a bed having drunken talks. nothing happened but it was definatly more than friendly like i was lying with his arm under me and he kept pulling me closer and moving his hand up and down my waist. i can't really remember our convos but i remember him asking why i treat myself so badly or something.

anyway i feel asleep on the bed with him holding me for abit then one of my friends (his ex) came in and woke me up saying lets go swimming. haha yea so we ended up striping down to our undies and jumping in his pool (with N). normally i would never do that! i hate my body but was to drunk and was feeling pretty comfortable with my body after all N's compliments.

argh don't even know why i am writing this though! i could never get with him! i couldn't do that to my friends but he is so lovely and hot!!

why is it that the one guy who actually cares about me i cant have ...

in a good note though i have been liquid fasting for 3 days (only coffee and alcohol) :)

i really need to stop drinking as much alcohol though! it has to many calories! grr

hope your love lifes are going better than mine!
x

You can get it ...

Fuck life has been pretty shit!

i had to spend the weekend with my dad which was torture! and then i come home and my grandparents have invaded my house! so i have no space and my mum is completely stressed out. last night she wouldn't let me go to a party after work because it "wouldn't be a good look in front of your graandparents". ARGH!!

so while i could have been at a party i was at home lying in bed and could not get to sleep, so i thought i would make a thinspo video to share with you! (because everyones blogs seem a little sad atm :( )



i've never made a thinspo video before (so sorry it's not very good!)

it's not your usual thinspo song (she can get it by Kevin Rudolf) but its upbeat and always makes me want to dance for some reason. so screw all the bad shit thats going on atm and put on a good song and go crazy and dance (burn those calaries). i know things seem terrible and like you will never loose those last pounds but keep trying, it takes hard work and dedication.






don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment.

you can get it
x

i can't be bothered writing much but when this happened i thought i must write about it.

today at school i was really tired because im sick and last night i couldn't sleep for some reason so i looked and felt like shit.

I was walking with a friend ( i would call her a friend but not a best friend) to class and she was like "whats wrong?" i was like "nothing" (i didnt feel like talking and just wanted to be left alone for a bit) and she stops and looks at me and says "you look angry .... angry, tired or hungry"! is it just me or is hungry a weird thing to say. i was shocked and we kept walking and i thought to myself "you have no idea how right you are"

it also made me alittle sad that sometimes this friend can see the things that my bestfriend cant, almost as if she knows me better than my best friend.

i duno just thought i would share.

todays has been alright went for an hour run, had an egg for breakfast (bad i know), walked to school (half an hour),had a few bites of an apple, walked home from school and ate a few bites of dinner (not much at all but it still feels disgusting in my stomach)before taking the bowl to my room and chucking it in the rubbish.

i should do some more exercise tonight but im feeling so tired and sick so im just going to go to bed! i can't be sick for sat!

stay stong!
x