confusing!

I i've been single since i broke up with that guy but last night at this party i was spending heaps of time with my friend (lets call him N).

we have been friends for ages and we always flirt but the thing is that hes been out with 2 of my good friends so he is completely out of bounds.

but we were dancing lot and spent over an hour lying on a bed having drunken talks. nothing happened but it was definatly more than friendly like i was lying with his arm under me and he kept pulling me closer and moving his hand up and down my waist. i can't really remember our convos but i remember him asking why i treat myself so badly or something.

anyway i feel asleep on the bed with him holding me for abit then one of my friends (his ex) came in and woke me up saying lets go swimming. haha yea so we ended up striping down to our undies and jumping in his pool (with N). normally i would never do that! i hate my body but was to drunk and was feeling pretty comfortable with my body after all N's compliments.

argh don't even know why i am writing this though! i could never get with him! i couldn't do that to my friends but he is so lovely and hot!!

why is it that the one guy who actually cares about me i cant have ...

in a good note though i have been liquid fasting for 3 days (only coffee and alcohol) :)

i really need to stop drinking as much alcohol though! it has to many calories! grr

hope your love lifes are going better than mine!
x