....

wow

i just realised that i actually forgot to eat from saturday night till this afternoon (thursday).
not quite forgot but just was to distracted. it never crossed my mind.

all because of a boy. haha



hes going away this weekend. but said to me that he wishes he wasn't so he could see me again.

i drove myself crazy overthinking everything that happened/ could happen since we got together sat night.

this is like the biggest deal for me because i am the most comitment phobic 17 year old out.

i usually have casual things/ one nighters with guys.

im already freaking out that this is turning into something more

iguess it is because of the shit that happened with my dad....

i dont trust people and i know that guys only want one thing.



and also everything im with a guy. when i think about it when i wake up. i freak out. i get flashbacks about my dad. i feel so dirty no matter how good and comfortable i felt at the time.

i get so sad everytime. and i cant tell anyone.




i guess im scarred that he will realise how fucked up i am :(





so yea i have been so confused. but i am going to take control. forget about him (till i see him next). play it cool. if he wants me hes going to have to work for it. wont eat. look fucking amazing when i see him.


love all you girls,
your comments and support.
x