dinner with the whole family tonight.
fuck.
hope im strong enough to eat as little as possible.
im going to go for a run before because i never feel like eating after running.
hopefully that will help
x

wow i have missed you guys and your support!

my laptop broke and i only just got it back.

i had so much i wanted to tell you guys but now that im writing its all gone out of my head!

i've been doing alright i guess.
i've fasted 9 days.
had 2 very depressed days where i refused to get out of bed.
several drunken nights.
but mainly i've just been super busy with school stuff.

it would be impossible to catch you guys up with everything that has happened so im not going to try! but i will write alot more often now my laptops back!

uh last weekend i got with a 21 year old guy .. and im 17... a few hours before i had a break down in McDonalds bathroom and smashed a bottle of vodka. woops! dw i didn't eat any! im not sure how i feel about getting with a guy that much older than me?but oh well nothing i can do now! whats the biggest age gap you've ever had?

oh and i also got with ice cream guy! but that was 2 weeks and he never txted me and i dont want to txt him haha ohwell

hope you are all well
and now im off to catch up on your blogs!
and drink my green tea x

quotes

Found some quote and thought i would share.
hopefully one will stick and your mind.
and you can use it as motivation or thinspo when you are having a hard time.
they aren't all about eating but mainly about life in general.

"Pain is temporary. If i give up, however, it lasts forever" Lance Armstrong

"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." Andy Warhol

"It's never too late to be what you might have been"

“Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come... The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future." Audrey Hepburn

“I decided, very early on, just to accept life unconditionally; I never expected it to do anything special for me, yet I seemed to accomplish far more than I had ever hoped. Most of the time it just happened to me without my ever seeking it." Audrey Hepburn

"there are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them" Tom Krause “Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.” James Dean

"Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.” ...... and thinner Mark Victor Hansen

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.” Ashley Smith

“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” Dr. Seuss

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

“I have learned that some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet are those who have suffered a traumatic event or loss. I admire them for their strength, but most especially for their life gratitude - a gift often taken for granted by the average person in society.” Sasha Azevedo


x

fruit and veges today and yesterday.
not sure about tomorrow ... it depends whether or not i can fast or not.

funny thing happened
i was texting this guy and the conversation ended up being about ice cream (my one love and weakness).
and he said "i am glad to have found another ice cream lover who has such a good body"

if only he knew

back and better than ever!

My trip was soo much fun! and somehow got me out of the depressed state of mind

eating was better than expected.

apple for breakfast

rice crackers or lite tuna for lunch

and nothing for dinner but a shit load of alcohol.

apart from on the morning/ afternoon before i came back i had a huge binge. but oh well i kind of expected it.

i would go for long walks in the bush/forest thing and it was lovely.

i would spend hours looking out to sea.

i laughed the most i have in ages.

it was very drama and stress free. because less people than expected came so it was just 20 of us who are all very close friends.

and the weather was shit so the only time i went swimming was at night ... in my bra and undies with 5 guys.haha

i hoped on the scales today and i have gained back a kg :(

i am sad but im not to worried because i am feeling very motivated and i only binge when i feel like im not getting anywhere but i know i can! and i will!

i realised that i have been slipping back into depression and i really need to start doing something to stop it. find a balance in my life.

we can do this!

cant wait to look amazing in my bikini in summer....

x

lost 2kgs this week.

couldn't believe it when i stood on the scales. made me smile.

its sad that that is the slightest bit of happiness i've felt lately ...

going away tomorrow.

i am so worried. about eating. about gaining.

i dont feel like myself. like i feel so depressed that i dont want to go out tonight. but i will.

i went to this amazing party last night. it was amazing. or it would have been. if i was my usual self. but i just felt so lonely and lost.

ha. i really need to snap out of this. quickly.

before tonight if possible.